Potties in the driveway, a cat on the loose, and a feline Adkins diet?...Just Another Day With The Twins

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

A true story...
The day started out normal enough.  Loaded up the girls and our cat in the car. Dropped off the girls at my parents' house, and took the cat to the vet for her annual check up.  But that's where the normal part ended.

Our cat, Camden, is an eight year old calico and she weighs almost 20 pounds!  She is ridiculously fat! She has been on a "diet" for the past two years, but apparently it's not working. She is a VERY lazy cat. Her ideal day would probably be spent curled up in my lap while I hand fed her cat treats and brushed her fur.  If only I could find some little ankle weights and a mini treadmill then maybe we wouldn't have this problem. So anyway, this morning we saw a new vet at our clinic.  First, she gave me the guilt trip for having a fat cat. Of course I can see she is obese, and no I don't want her to get diabetes. So what can I do?  She suggested we try a feline Adkins style diet. Seriously?  I laughed when she suggested it. I thought is was a joke. Nope!.  The diet consists of weaning her completely off of dry food and feeding her canned cat food that is high in protein and fat. Who knew? 

After we finish up at the vet, I help Camden squeeze back into her cat carrier, (she really is fat).  We go pick up the girls and head back home.

Once home, I begin the process of unloading the four of us and all of our stuff by taking Juliette out from her carseat behind me. She walks into the garage towards the inside door.   I open up the back of our SUV on my way around the car to get Genevieve to remind myself to take out the potties I had brought to my parents'.  The girls are in the throes of potty training.    Just as I set Genevieve down, I see Juliette running back towards the car with a trail of pee following behind her as she's shouting," MAMA!".  I grab a potty from the back, throw it down on the driveway, as she yanks down her pants to finish.  Her pants, shoes, and socks are now soaking wet. All of which I begin to remove.  

Meanwhile Genevieve has run to the inside door and is crying, anxious to get inside.  "Strange she is in such a hurry to get inside", the fleeting thought passes.  Whatever, I'll let her in and then finish cleaning up Juliette.  I let her in only to have her quickly emerge running back outside and shouting, "Potties are missing!"   This can only mean one thing, GET THE OTHER POTTY! I grab it from  the trunk just as she pulls her pants down!

Juliette, still sitting on the potty,  is having a fit that she needs clean pink pants now! God forbid she wait the 15 steps it takes to get in the house.  No, she needs pink pants, here, in the middle of the freakin' driveway! I'm trying to find the extra pants in the bag I packed for Nona's house when I see Genevieve bringing me her potty.  Pee is sloshing over the edge. But she is beaming,. Grinning ear to ear!  "Mama, I tinkled! I so proud!"

That's when I hear a tiny, whiny meow.  I look up through the open rear door and see two yellow eyes staring at me.  The cat has managed to escape from her carrier and is standing on the center console ready to jump. At this point I also realize that I have left the rear passenger side door open and she is about to make an immediate exit. She is an indoor cat and despite her rather obtuse size, she would be completely useless in the wild. Ignoring the screaming child, and the sloshing pee, I hurl myself through the opened rear door, over the top of the back seat, and attempt to trap the cat with my body. Miraculously, I manage to wedge her in-between the seats, the floor, and me.  She is trying to pancake herself to slide out from under me.  Good luck with that, fat cat!  I am literally hanging upside down,  trying to get my left foot unstuck from in-between the back seats and the ceiling.  I grab her by the scruff (luckily there is a lot of excess to grab),  pull her close, and unwedge my foot so we can both safely exit the vehicle.  Fortunately, the crying has ceased because the girls are staring at the spectacle I created.  Although I can't say for certain whether in awe or in fear for me... or the cat.

I get the cat inside, carry Juliette in, sans pants (one point for mama), and Genevieve follows us in.  Luckily, I don't have to worry about the spilled pee or the trail Juliette created earlier, because sweet Genevieve has used her favorite pink blanket to wipe everything up off the driveway and the dirty garage floor! Oh well, I've already got laundry to do today!

I literally let out a sigh of relief when I close the door behind me.

My mind starts to wander for a split second, always moving ahead,  thinking about what I should make for lunch? When I hear, "Mama, pink pants!"  Oops!

What a morning!

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